trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
