It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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