Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think people are normalizing furries
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
