Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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