We're like a lot better than the average bears
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
