i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
