I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
