I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you guys were way drunker than both of me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
