yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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