I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The adults are the big ones right?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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