I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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