it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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