I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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