My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
