I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
