If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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