I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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