we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
