Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
