Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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