So drunk its hurt
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
