Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
