I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
