I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
