I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
