Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
