guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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