I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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