bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
