Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
