we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
