I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
