I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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