It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
