just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
