How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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