C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
