Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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