I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
