A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
