my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
