Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
