That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
