dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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