...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
