She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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