omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
