Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
