The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
