how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
