Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
