Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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