Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
